Not existential angst for sure

I am at that point in my life where I find myself questioning things. I turn 40 this year. This month actually. And strangely enough I have no problems with white hair or even the wrinkles I see crinkling the corners of my eyes. Although I do find myself wanting to know more – about many things. Everything in general and some things in specific. It is not existential angst. For I am not lost or forlorn. I DO think that life has meaning. That it holds value. Love and laughter.

I think I am going through growing pains if I can call it that. Metaphorically experiencing a growth spurt in a sense. I no longer feel the need to paint pretty pictures. The story was always important. Now even more so. I see so much hold that the past has on the present and so much that it can do to change the future. Yes, esoteric and all that. My friend Roopa Pai tells me I am finally ready to learn from and follow the Gita. Maybe I am.

I am hoping to document my mid life churn here within the pages of my blog. I am looking to paint narratives. Story telling through pictures. Over the next few posts I hope to share many stories with you. Portraits and self portraits.  This first set is a narrative series on Rakesh Shukla. To feel more than just surface colour or marks. To feel my ‘subject’. Do I identify with his/her story.

So many of my friends (who are allowed into my studio) asked why are you painting Rakesh? I am not. I am painting his story. In that story I see connections to so many others from my past. Just people that skimmed the edges of my life and moved on and then those that had a lasting impact. Each important. Each complete. Each with a story to tell. I just started with the one closer home. In that Rakesh lives in the same complex as me and The Poonchh Collection which has been so much a part of my life came to fruition because of him.

But truth be told. Rakesh and the series on him was an escape for me. For the last year, definitely the last six months – I have felt a churn in my life. But I was not yet ready to share/document/divulge/lay bare my soul. So much has happened…

I am ready now. I share with you my inner journey in the form of my life and thoughts as marks on canvas and paper. My moods driven by colour…

Me.

I leave you with an image of a painting my daughter did. We talked about life and this is what she came up with. A small piece of black card paper left over from a past project. She decided to add colour to it. The dots are coloured clay . I could wax eloquent about possible metaphors in this but I will instead leave you to make your own connections.

I would love it if going forward I could do more collaborative work. Share thoughts and work with others. Let’s see how that goes. Do take the time to go through the next few posts as I post them!